Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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