I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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