Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
