I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
