my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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