OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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