If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
