I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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