Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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