i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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