I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
