bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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