I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
