No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
