he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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