Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
