As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
