I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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