I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
