someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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