I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
how does that bad decision feel?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize