i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this just has baby written all over it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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