i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
