I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
