David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
