I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
