Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize