Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
