you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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