I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
