someone owes me an orgasm
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
