Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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