Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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