Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
