I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
