Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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