All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
