If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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