the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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