i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
