She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
