I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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