Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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