i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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