tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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