Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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