he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize