Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
