This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
