It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
