Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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