i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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