I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
