Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
