NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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