you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
