i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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