I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
