I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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