you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize