I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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