every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
