you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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