Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize